In my practice as a collaborative divorce coach and vocational expert, I’ve noticed a marked increase in clients citing narcissistic traits in the spouse they’re divorcing. What follows is my reflection on their experience of sorting things out and confronting the ways they have been undermined, their determination to learn to trust themselves again and make positive life affirming decisions for themselves and their family as they moved through the divorce process.
So you’re trying to get divorced, and now you’re both working from home.
Our new life, sheltering in place is in full swing. Oregonians have been at it awhile and divorcing couples and families are experiencing a wide range of circumstances, challenges and perks. Maybe you’re both still working, just one of you or neither of you are working. Uncertainly looms and timelines for resolution are hazy. Who knows what life will be like on the “other side?” In career development counseling we look to our deeper values and interests to guide us through times of change and transition. We reflect on our personal values like health, family, friendship, spirituality, security, and creativity to help us navigate new terrain. Consider how best to prioritize and live them under sometimes radically different circumstances.
Overcoming your barriers to even thinking about going back to work. During a divorce…
Collaborative divorce and vocational coaching is often a positive and transformative experience for divorcing women and men, usually an overwhelmed and vulnerable group. Men and women who are angry at being left behind after sacrificing their futures, career wise and financially, are inspired by connecting with a sense of purpose that also pays the bills. Partners who felt isolated and demeaned during their marriage begin to feel less depressed, hopeless and start taking positive action.
Collaborative Career Coaching Can Change Your Divorce
Attitudes about searching for career satisfaction have shifted dramatically in the last few decades. A meaningful and viable career path, one that integrates well with family life has gained broad appeal. The clients I see as a collaborative divorce coach and vocational expert share these views. As they engage divorce and career coaching, they become stronger, more flexible and reasonable. Self-confidence increases. The possibility of growing in ways that matter reduces fear and uncertainty about the future and enhances the ability to negotiate in good faith.
Find Meaning in Work Life and Rebuild Your Confidence Mid-Divorce
Whether you’ve initiated your divorce or vice versa and you need a job now or down the road, “What job?” can seem as unclear as the nature of your projected earnings. The way you approach thinking and making decisions about jobs during or post divorce can dramatically affect how the process unfolds for you.
Help Create a Caring Workplace and Economy!
As a psychotherapist and career counselor starting out in the mid-80’s, my biggest surprise has been how many people come in my office and complain not about their work, but about their dysfunctional workplace. They’ve talked and still talk about a lack of vision and organization among managers resulting in chaos and confusion, distrust among employees at all levels and cultures of toxicity that lead to high stress and health problems. A focus on productivity alone is behind decision-making that ignores a worker’s need for respect, to believe in what they do, manageable deadlines and a chance to speak out when problems occur.
Myth of Job Security Explodes During Government Shutdown!
Millions of people are solidly on the path to redefining job security, once thought to be a life dedicated to one employer or work role. In these days of “precarious employment” (Dr. Bluestein of Boston College) many take contract work, go back to school, start part-time to gain entry to full time, find a side hustle, grow a business or work two jobs just to make it. Dr. Bluestein’s advice: Consider work unaffected by technological advances, for example in fields that draw on “caring and creativity.”
Why I Love My Laundry Routine: The Marvels of Creating Structure, Part 2
Find your own rhythm and style as you plan and tackle tasks that support you to be your best. Experiment with regular ways to begin and end your day. Giving things a consistent place in your schedule eliminates the number of decisions you make on a daily basis and opens up space in your brain for higher-level thinking. Eliminate that out of control feeling or the stress of trying to please others. Putting yourself in charge of divvying up what needs to be done and when-instead of relying on others for direction is life changing. It’s like becoming your own boss.
Why I Love My Laundry Routine: The Marvels of Creating Structure, Part 1
My clients often acknowledge a need for more structure but struggle to set it up. They’re overwhelmed with the decisions that need to be made to keep a career exploration or job search process alive and feel they’re not making progress. Priorities are hard to see. There’s a sense that time is slipping away and opportunities are slipping through the cracks. Juggling the needs of others alongside their own is problematic and many feel they could get more done if they could just get to it.
Needed: A Woman’s Voice in Workplace Relations
Thinking in Opposites for Social Innovation
What is a social or impact entrepreneur you ask? They are people who apply existing or bring new business models to bear on social and environmental issues once seen as the sole territory of non-profits. The possible pathways for this potent mix of business tools and dedication to a cause to unfold are unlimited, wildly creative and not always predictable.
Perfectionism: Mapping the Vast Interior Part IV / Looking North
Perfectionism: Mapping the Vast Interior Part III / Going West
For Native Americans and like-minded, like spirited practitioners, each direction has a special meaning. In Part III, we look West, where the sun sets and the day miraculously ends. The West signifies endings and by tapping into the teachings of the West, we find ourselves in a prime position to let go of what no longer matters, is unfulfilling or unsupportive.
Perfectionism: Mapping the Vast Interior Part II / Heading South
Perfectionism: Mapping the Vast Interior Part I / Facing East
How do we keep perspective? How can we change the way we are in relationship to these desires to uplift ourselves and others and still enjoy the process of creation? By doing so, we may avoid suffering and confusion or lost years of indecisiveness because we want everything to be perfect and things aren’t always perfect.
Moms and Dads don’t give up on your other career dreams!
As a divorce coach and vocational expert in collaborative and mediated cases that are settled out of court, I have the privilege of supporting moms and dads needing to go back to work, as a result of their divorce. Typically the stay at home spouse has spent several years, often more than fifteen, out of the workplace.
“How may I help?” Focus your call to service by creating work from inner meaning
Many people I talk with want careers helping others, but don’t know what to do exactly. It’s a frustrating puzzle; the desire is there without a clear focus. There may even be deep angst over a lost sense of meaning in life that will only be restored if one’s cause is revealed. Whether you have a vague notion or half-baked idea, this is how the journey to define purpose usually begins.